this past week i had a few of my male friends ask me to write this post. so here it comes, boys. this is for you. how to pick up a lesbian on the internet and convince her to have sex and then call her lesbian friend and watch them have sex in front of you and then join in and have some more sex. i believe this was your order, so pick up a pen and some paper and begin taking notes.
1. forget about it.
2. forget about it, again. i know you can’t forget about it. so give it one more try.
3. dude, i told you to forget about it.
4. you are not listeninnnnng to meeee. i said forget about iiiiiit.
5. allright, you know what? i’m gonna be direct with you. but this will be harsh. i’m warning you right now. you are about to hear some nasty stuff.
god, this is difficult. i feel like a parent who is about to tell her kid santa doesn’t exist.
remember when i told you that you could have sex with a lesbian and her lesbian friend? i was joking.
lesbians do not have sex with men they meet on the internet. in fact, lesbians don’t even meet men on the internet. that’s why there are millions of men out there trying to chat with girls online with fake photos and profiles. they believe they have a chance. but the truth is their chances of winning the lottery is higher than having sex with a lesbian. why? because 18 million to 1 is more than 18 million to zero! it’s simple mathematics.
i can hear you saying “but they dooooo”.
well, “no, they dooooon’t”. in all of those porn movies you have been watching since you were 14-15, they do, yes. but those women are not lesbians. they are professional whores, or actress wannabe heterosexuals, and no that doesn’t count! if you want to pay and spend a night with a whore who will tell you she is a lesbian and act like she is one, i have nothing to say to that. go for it. just don’t fool yourself and tell your friends that you have just been with a lesbian. have the guts to say you paid a heterosexual woman to pretend. it’s ok. they will still be drooling.
as for porn, they are made by men, for men and they have nothing to do with women or their point of view. that’s why life gets complicated for you sometimes. you watch porn and mix real-life women with porn-characters. but don’t feel so stupid please, because your girlfriend watches romantic comedies and gets you mixed up with those actors in return. so it’s a lose and lose situation. you are not alone in this. don’t worry.
repeat after me now:
-women in porn movies are NOT lesbians.
-lesbians are NOT into men. that’s why they are lesbians.
-i AM a man.
-therefore, no lesbian would EVER have sex with me.
gooood boyyyy, you are picking up fassst! i like thaaaaaat!
(and nope, we can’t have sex)