fuck you butterflies

all i wanted was a decent girlfriend. ONE girlfriend. a girlfriend that looks sexy at times, but is sweet at others…someone who is into arts…someone you can talk about books, movies, social matters with…someone who follows the news and the newest trends better than you do. someone to learn from. someone to explore with. someone to travel and have sex with in different capitals of the world. well, allright, not just the capitals-someone to make love to in romantic cities. and order cappucino and pancakes from the room service without having to worry about the price of the extra orange juice. someone who makes a living and has her own life so that she is not on your throat all the time. someone who has a cool career…a journalist…a novelist…a travel blog writer…a chef (who lets you cook too sometimes) some architect…designer…i don’t know…the type of job that would request her to attend parties and openings. the kind of woman that can distinguish between wines and has seen all ferzan özpetek movies…and she speaks italian….or spanish…or some weird far eastern language nobody knows about because she had lived there for a few years…a lawyer that wears skirts and prada shoes…a singer that refuses to sing folk music and does not have long straight hair…a surgeon that is actually better with her tongue than her fingers and is suprisingly there when you wake up….a c.e.o. that let’s you pay when it is pop corn and a movie and treats you a holiday in bali…now THAT’S what i wanted. that’s what i am talking about…fluency in english, an extra language is a plus, minimum 5 years of experience in dating, ages 25-40, long legs, cute smile, a masters, good oral skills, good sense of humor, a drivers license, a few apple products, a gym membership, a killer library and music collection, a big kitchen…do i ask for too much? i don’t think so!

and this is what i get! in no specific order!

a girl i met at the gym with a super sexy body, that has a thing for bald men.

a german teacher who fucked me right before the school-bus brough her 7 year old son (whom i did not know about) and we happened to have finished all his crackers so he cried for the rest of the evening (yeah, that’s my first!! cool huh!)

a british comedian whom i started dating with and broke up with over the internet that did not get my break up messages over the chat box and flew to turkey -and she actually met my new girlfriend and later that day had sex with me and asked me whether i loved her or not (while we were naked in bed) and when i said i thought we had already broken up she tried to kick me out of the hotel room without my clothes on.

a super cool advertiser that told me how excited she will be  to see me over the weekend for days-all the cool stuff she had been preparing (the junk food, the desserts, the computer games, the movies,  the wine, the tickets to the concert i have been looking for) and actually broke up with me two hours after she had made me buy my plane tickets. no argument. no hint. no signal. no nothing.    (and no not pms either, i confirmed it later)

an editor whom i broke up with that sent me a hateful email which ends with the following statement: “i am way too good for you! you know what, i won’t even waste any swear words for you. here, you fill in these blanks! …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..!!!!!!!”

an acrobat that works in a circus. (do i really have to tell something else about her? a circus acrobat!)

a sex therapist that could not turn me on and actually convinced me that i have some serious orgasm issues.

a scandinavian that broke up with me while i was cuddling and kissing (with her!) on her sofa and offered to make me mojitos with the bacardi i had brought her. then she sat next to me and asked me why i am not yelling at her or breaking anything.

this is what i get!

c’est la vie?

i don’t think so!

from the depths of my heart i would like to shout right now.

you may join me if you like.

ready?

FUCK YOU BUTTERFLIES!

(rejoice)

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU!

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  1. #1 by Mandy on December 5, 2011 - 5:42 pm

    Tja, …what can i say

    • #2 by killing the butterflies on December 5, 2011 - 7:48 pm

      just for the fun of it ;)

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